Virtual School and My Teenager

My son was an excellent student. He responded to questions in class. He gave assistance to other students when they needed help. His teachers always had wonderful things to say about him. I would always go to conferences and hear all the ways he stood out to the teachers. He even received the Principal's Award in 7th grade.

In 8th grade, things were much the same until winter break. We got really sick during break and he missed a full week of school in January, due to that illness. He struggled catching back up, but he did it. When Governor Whitmer closed all the schools in Michigan in the middle of March, because of the COVID-19 Pandemic, he had 4 A's and 2 B's. 

The shutdown was supposed to be for 2 weeks, so I treated it like a vacation. After 6 weeks, the school started some online work available for the students. They guaranteed that students who were passing when school was shut down would continue to the next grade, whether they did this work or not. With zero incentive for him to actually do the work, I was unable to convince him that he should do it. He had one math class that was online already, so he did complete that.

True to their word, they graduated him virtually from the 8th grade, even with awards for some of his classes. He finished 8th grade with 3 credits for high school: Algebra, Geometry, and 9th grade English. 

A week before 9th grade was supposed to start, we were told that school was going to start out virtually, and then in six weeks, it would open. Students would all receive Chromebooks to use for school and classes would be Monday through Thursday from 9 am to noon. A few days later, the opening of school was delayed again by the governor.  The school gave us 2 days to decide if we wanted to do hybrid (without a description of what that would look like) or be 100% virtual when school did open. My son said he'd rather stay virtual so his schedule would stay the same, so that's what we submitted to the school.

He started school virtually. The classes chosen for him were all Advanced Placement (AP) classes, except for gym and art. He struggled with the AP classes, doing the work, but not getting great grades. His art teacher assigned large projects with short deadlines. He passed math and gym class. I contacted his academic counselor to talk about the struggles he was having, and I asked her to put him in regular classes for the second semester. Throughout the first semester, the "open date" for school kept changing and being more delayed. 

Second semester was just about to begin and he had an "easier" schedule, but still had that art class. Thankfully he also stayed in the same math class. The school announced that hybrid classes were starting, and that the schedule would be changing. Group A would be in person and everyone else virtual on Monday and Tuesday, Group B would be in person and everyone else virtual on Thursday and Friday. Wednesday would be virtual for all students, so they can clean the school building. The new daily schedule would be 7:40 am to 2:25 pm. I called the school and asked if my son, who is struggling in virtual school, would be able to switch to the hybrid schedule and was told "it will be whatever you selected in August".

I'm so sorry that in August, I wanted some semblance of a schedule for my son. I didn't know that I would want to change it. I didn't know that he would have such a hard time doing virtual school. Anyway....

Two nights a week, I get email reminders to fill out the Daily Student Health Screener. I get emails telling me all the latest updates about expanding hybrid learning. I get all the emails for K-12. I have received ONE email from the attendance office, stating that my son was not in class. 

I have received a couple of other emails from the school. One that said conferences were coming up "tomorrow" and that parents can log into a Zoom meeting to talk to the teachers. The time frame for this Zoom would be during a busy time at work, and I was scheduled to work. Another one was from the art teacher. It basically said your student doesn't come to class or do the work. He's going to fail and there's nothing that can change that at this point.

Yesterday, there was a very soft knock on my front door. It took me a minute to get to it, but the lady was leaving, so I called to her "can I help you?" She was from the truancy office of Grand Rapids Public Schools. She gave me a list of all the days my son was supposedly not in class. She gave me a brochure about the importance of school attendance. I told her that I am a single mom and I work, and I can't be home all the time to make sure he's logging in to each class, but I do my best. Then she told me she would return with the police.

So here I sit... wondering why the school didn't contact me before this... concerned that it's the end of April in his Freshman year and he hasn't yet set foot in the school building... concerned that we're going to be stuck doing virtual forever, because of a choice I made before school started 8 months ago... and worrying if the Prosecutor's Office will try to remove my son from his home and my care.

Right now, he's passing Algebra 2. He might still be able to pass US History and 10th grade English. He still doesn't learn well virtually. Most of his online assignments include "find a picture from the internet that portrays..." or "how does this image make you feel" or "write a sentence that describes this picture". He doesn't know. He literally cannot comprehend this type of question. 

I had him evaluated for Autism Spectrum Disorders when he was in either preschool or kindergarten. He was diagnosed with Asperger's. I figured he'd just be ADHD, like his mom. We never needed an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) because he did so well in a traditional school setting. I don't like the label. I don't want to have the school treat him like he's *special needs* because of an IEP. I know that IS what will happen. I've seen it.

He's a really smart kid, a good student, and teachers love him. He doesn't NEED "accommodations". He needs a classroom (five days a week) with a teacher and other students. He needs a schedule, a routine, that is consistent from day to day. He needs his at-home time to be home and family time. 

Spread Hope, Not COVID

This past weekend, I attended a BOLD retreat at Bambi Lake Baptist Conference Center. I had high expectations, as I had seen and heard about previous BOLD retreats. I was sorely disappointed. 

Friday. We checked in at the lodge and did our COVID screening and filled out the contact tracing documents. Got assigned to our room and put our stuff inside. We arrived early, so we had some time to mingle. Yay!!

Some people were wearing masks, but we wouldn't be, because they're not required on camp. Of course, we had to hear comments about that. Whatever...

The theme for the weekend was Hope. Songs with lyrics about "My hope is in You, Lord", "Christ the Solid Rock", "In Christ alone" teach us that we need to put our hope in Jesus, our trust in God. Testimonies from people who have gotten through tough times show us that God is always in control and will get us through the trials.

After dinner we had a worship meeting. During this meeting, one of the women spoke, talking about how we have a responsibility to wear masks, sanitize everything, and maintain distance from each other. I got up and walked out.

Regardless of your stance on wearing masks, social distancing, and sanitizing, I'd like you to understand where I'm coming from. It is a matter of personal responsibility. If you prefer to wear a mask, you can wear a mask. You cannot tell me that I have to wear a mask. I do not like to stand close to people, and touching creeps me out. Hand sanitizer is bad for you. All these "precautions" actually make you more susceptible to infection, because your body isn't being exposed to this virus and other things to keep your immune system working. 

Skip ahead to Monday.  I'm at home watching TV and I see a commercial talking about the vaccine and all the ways to protect yourself from covid that says "Spread hope, not Covid" at the end. I wanted to scream. I had a realization. The women at the retreat weren't spreading COVID, but they also weren't spreading the hope we find in Christ. They were spreading "protection based on fear" which is what this society wants to call hope.

I have always loved attending events at Bambi Lake. I have always looked to these women as examples of God-centered and Faith-based life. I no longer can have that respect for them.

When a mask and hand sanitizer are your idols, you put your trust in a vaccine, and your faith in the government, how DARE you sing "In Christ Alone, my hope is found"!

My Medical Journey

I have been wanting to document this for a long time and I keep starting and getting sidetracked. Here's a timeline of my relevant medical history, leading up to the events of this year. I'll leave out the gory stuff.

1978 - I was born. 😂 Mom said I was always quiet, studious, even as a toddler. I loved books. I was healthy and happy.

Let's skip forward a bit.

Late 2006 - I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, depression, and uterine fibroids. I was put on birth control, an antidepressant, and thyroid hormone.

Feb 2007 - After 2 suicide attempts, I stopped taking both the birth control and the antidepressants, against the doctor's recommendation. (Um, what?!)  Suicidal thoughts disappeared. Still extremely fatigued and depressed most of the time, but functional. 

After 7 years living like this...

Feb 2014 - My husband says he can't take it anymore, reveals he's been having an affair and wants a divorce. Divorce was final Oct 31, 2104. Sad, angry, but can't really blame him, because I'm an absolute mess. Anytime I go to the doctor, they just tell me to eat better and exercise, so I need to lose weight. That will solve everything. (Just FYI- several years later, I finally realized that his leaving had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him.)

2016 - Enrolled in a gym for 6 months. It cost me $1000 for unlimited access and 3 days a week with a trainer. Exercising made me tired, but I was losing inches from my body and that felt good. I did not lose any weight.

2017 - I had to change my primary care doctor. I was severely fatigued and requested a dose increase for my thyroid hormone. I ended up with a sleep study, referral to a weight loss clinic, and behavioral management therapy to deal with my depression.

2019 - I had to change my primary care doctor again. I was severely fatigued and requested a dose increase for my thyroid hormone. I ended up with multiple months of iron infusions and B12 injections and a referral to a weight loss clinic. 

I decided to look for a different doctor. 

In January of 2020, I met with my new doctor (Erica). I was nervous. I just *knew* what she was going to say when I requested a dose increase for my thyroid because of fatigue and depression. She surprised me. She ran a bunch of tests. She looked for the cause of my symptoms. And she found it. Multiple large uterine fibroids and a softball sized ovarian cyst causing pain and massive blood loss; blood loss causes the anemia; anemia worsens thyroid disease; thyroid imbalance causes depression... Cue the referral to a new Ob/Gyn.

Saw the Ob/Gyn within a week, awesome timing... not thrilled with this specialist. The after visit summary had errors in it, like she wasn't even listening to me. She reordered the same tests (I had just gotten the results back a week ago) and asked if I had considered bariatric surgery.

Feb 14th, 2020 the bleeding started. It was like a regular period, at first, but it didn't stop.

So... I found a new Ob/Gyn (Casey). She is remarkable! She looked at my lab and ultrasound results, and said here's what I see, here are your options, and this is what I recommend. I would have loved to just have a hysterectomy and have it over with, but I took her recommendation. Prescribed a double dose of birth control until the procedure (even made sure it was gluten free!) and got me in for more iron infusions (yay). The birth control slowed the bleeding, but it still hadn't stopped.

June 5th 2020, in the middle of the coronavirus pandemic, I had a minor medical procedure, basically a D&C and insertion of an IUD. Recovery was quick and easy, and I had no bleeding for the first week. I felt fantastic... for a couple of weeks. The bleeding and pain came back worse than it had been... doc removed the IUD and says, well, here are your choices.

In October of 2020, I had a major medical procedure, a partial hysterectomy. I could write up all the big words, but essentially, she removed my uterus, cervix, and fallopian tubes. The bleeding stopped 24 hours after surgery. 

2020 was the worst year. I'm not exaggerating. Ask anyone. I was laid off from my job, like millions of other people in March 2020. Unlike millions of other people, it was the best timing for me. I was able to get the medical care I needed. Finally. And to not have to worry about missing work (and income) was a great relief.

It's only two weeks after major surgery. I'm going back to work Monday... light duty for a while. I'm still sore, with lifting and movement restrictions, and I'll be walking with a cane for a while yet, but life is getting to normal. I'm not really sure I know what that feels like, but I cannot wait to find out!

Thanks to all the people who stuck by me while I was a psycho. I love you guys!

Thanks to all the people who have helped me out while I'm recovering from major surgery. I love you guys!